Kids and Toy Guns
Are water guns and foam dart guns OK toys for our kids?
Recently, my friend Jennifer wrote me and said, “So, one thing I struggle with raising [two] boys is the fascination with guns, blasters, bombs, and other instruments of destruction. I am trying to raise children who want to save the planet, and they seem much more interested in blowing it up. Finding the right balance is a tricky one for me. Would love to see your thoughts and insights.”
So, Jennifer, this is for you and hopefully other parents out there, too.
Let me start by saying I am not an expert on boys, guns, or the fascination with guns, blasters, bombs and other weapons. From early on, though, my husband and I made a conscious effort to have a gun-free home. We never bought toy guns for either of our kids to play with, even going so far as buying fish-shaped “water toys” rather than gun- shaped water guns when they were little in our efforts to raise “peaceful” children.
Of course we were foiled early and often. First, it was by our own children. Our son, Zach, quickly discarded his “water fish” and soon began turning benign objects into play guns to suit his own shooting and blasting fantasies.
Twigs, sticks, plastic recorders (you know, the instrument), and even his toothbrush became de facto guns, bombs and blasters, when he was in a blowing up the world mood.
“Look, Mom,” he seemed to say. “No gun required. I can still shoot things.” He was playing with guns even though we had none.
Then, when Zach turned seven, he started receiving Nerf guns left and right as birthday gifts. I still can’t figure out when or how toy guns became acceptable gifts, but there they were; huge boxes, wrapped in colorful birthday gift wrap and tied with a bow. Inside? Nerf guns.
Some of the Nerf guns were water guns, others shot foam darts. All were massive and clearly resembled some “real” kind of gun out there somewhere. Some had “magazines” or came with an “ammo belt” and most had awful names like the “Blaster,” “Combat Shooter,” and “Strike Maverick.”
So, does allowing your kid to play with a toy guns (or with a pretend stick-gun) mean you are raising a child who will turn into a violent, cruel adult? No. It doesn’t.
If you are responsible, compassionate, and kind in your parenting and lead your children by good example, guiding them to do what’s right, you are likely to be raising a kind, compassionate and responsible child.
And, Jennifer, I know I just described you.
Of course, you must also take the time to teach them about real guns and the very real dangers of guns. We need to teach our kids to be safe in the world, and understanding that real guns exist and can hurt them and others is an important lesson for all our children.
Be sure to teach your children NEVER to touch a real gun. EVER. And if they are not sure whether a gun is real or not, they should stay away. The most horrifying news stories I've ever encountered involve children who gain access to a parent's (real) gun and accidentally kill themselves or the friend/brother/uncle/sister they were playing with. So tragic and so avoidable. So, please, teach your children well about the dangers of real guns. Should you own a gun, be sure to keep it locked away and keep bullets locked in another location.
Yes, real guns are important tools and play a critical role in certain professions. They can also be used for sport and regularly are — target practice and hunting are popular all around the country, and here in Massachusetts.
I still associate guns with violence, war, crime, and bad stuff I want to keep my children far, far away from. For this reason, I am not a huge fan of toy guns. I will not buy toy guns for my kids or give them as gifts.
My son, now 9, still enjoys his Nerf guns. Some have broken or been lost, some traded to friends for other games or toys. Both my kids love water guns in the hot weather and we have quite a collection, which comes in handy for the block-long water wars the kids play with neighbors in the summer.
As for raising children who want to save the planet? Perhaps that will be another column.
gadsden
12:00 pm on Tuesday, May 24, 2011
You associate guns with violence, war, crime, and bad stuff you want to keep your children far, far away from.
I associate guns with the ability to defend myself, my family, and my home.
Educate your kids about guns... don't deprive them just because you're scared of guns and you think they are dangerous. Guns don't kill people. People kill people.
Ramirez
3:32 pm on Tuesday, May 24, 2011
I'm 31 next month. I had AWESOME toy guns. I watched tour of duty w/ my M16, I had an MP5 that smoked and made noise. At 5 I had a BB gun that you had to pump 10 times ( you know the one) It was awesome, I would spend the whole day target shooting. My stepfather took me hunting, and I had a single shot .22 that I shot all day long on the weekends. We're boys/men, stuff that blows up is awesome to us. We trained dogs for the police, and they would all bring guns w/ them. After training we would shoot at targets till we were out of ammo. Today, I have pistols, AR15s, shotguns, even a "sniper rifle" and a silencer. If you met me, you'd prob never know it. I'm not a redneck that lives in the woods. I live downtown and hang out in the city all day. I was also taught early to respct guns, and never to play w/ them. That lesson still holds value for me today. I would think that you should not "hide" guns from your kids at home, just teach them about them , what they do and how to act around them.
mark
3:35 pm on Tuesday, May 24, 2011
The only thing children learn from is experience, and the consequences of those experiences. No matter how many times a child is told "don't touch the stove", eventually they will. This will usually be the first and last time they ever try that.
But it's not the last time because you told them not to; It's the last time because they don't want to get burned again.
This applies to every scenario in a child's development, not just this extreme example. When your child acts rotten toward his/her sibling, you don't correct this by telling them to stop. You SET EXPECTATIONS by telling them, but they don't learn to stop until they expereince the consequences: be it your parental disappointment in them, feeling bad at seeing their brother cry, feeling the sting of a whop across the rear, etc.
Telling your children NOT to do something only serves to communicate your expectations. It does very little to affect their behavior.
All this is to say: If you are hoping to stop your kid from using a gun simply because you TOLD them not to... this is a gamble at best (and at worst, an invitation for them to do it simply because it's forbidden).
Your best bet to ensure your child's safety is no different with guns than anything else (cars, power tools, etc): Education.
(continued...)
mark
3:42 pm on Tuesday, May 24, 2011
(continued)
This means teaching your children how to safely handle a firearm, seeing first hand the destructive and devestating power of firearms, and giving them some supervised experience shooting them.
This further helps to remove the "mystical" and "forbidden" aspects of guns... and seriously curbs their curiosity.
In my household guns aren't some "cool" thing that only the heroes and villains on TV use. They're tools, like any other. And as a result, I can trust that my kids won't be awed and intrigued and treat it like a toy if they come across a firearm while unsupervised (though God help any adult I find that was reckless enough to leave one unattended).
gadsden
8:49 am on Wednesday, May 25, 2011
a whop across the rear? better not advertise that or DCF will be paying you a visit with the nanny-state-sirens blaring! ;)
gun_lvr
4:28 pm on Tuesday, May 24, 2011
I was raised by "hippies" in the woods of Maine. You want to talk about saving the Earth? I lived it and then some. No guns, no knives, no TV. Try as they might my parents could not stop my brother and I turning everything we found into a weapon. As I grew up I became fascinated with weapons, warfare and all things military. I snuck out and bought a BB gun from a kid down the street. My brother and I kept it in the woods and we would go out and shoot it with no supervision. My brother and I are both gun enthusiasts now. We own ~15 guns between us and shoot as much as we can afford to. My point is in trying to impose your world view on your boys you are most likely going to drive them towards the very things you fear the most. I am pretty sure that if my parents had been more lenient about firearms/bb guns I would not be quite the enthusiast I am today. I am absolutely sure that I would have been safer. There were several instances involving loaded firearms that I came across that had I been unlucky could have ended in me being shot. I was fascinated with firearms and I had learned to hide anything related to guns from my parents...a dangerous combination. Please do yourself a favor, ease up on your kids and teach them how to properly handle a firearm. Let them have a BB gun if they want and shoot it with them. Supervise their experience. They might run home and tell you if they found a pistol on the street now...what about in five years.
motionb
5:38 pm on Tuesday, May 24, 2011
You'd be surprised at the reaction of young children when you take them to the range and teach them gun safety and fire it for the first time, it is NOT a picture of excitement but of fear. The best lesson I have taught them, my son was obsessed with guns so I decided once old enough I'd take him to the range and teach him about real guns, after the first bullet his eyes were wide open with terror. I showed him first hand what a gun CAN do. He use to bug me about wanting to try and shoot my gun, now he doesn't anymore, but does like to go to the range with me once a month and target practice, he's 7 by the way, and shoots pretty good. Ever since he's witnessed a gun being fired he is VERY careful anytime we're at the range, handles it like it's gonna break or something.
Gussers
11:50 pm on Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Someone mentioned it earlier, but it's worth repeating. The curiosity of young children is really what you are battling. When you declare guns "off limits", the reaction is immediately to find out why you have a strong reaction to them. Without supervision, this is a dangerous combination.
I grew up around guns and my parents never had a single one in the house. They weren't 'anti' guns, they just didn't own or use them. As I grew up I attended summer camps and boy scouts and various other 'boy' activities and was exposed to rifles in a very constructive fashion. They were never explained to me to be weapons of destruction, but tools that could protect you or harvest you food. They were also great for testing your skill against paper. With all the exposure, the mystery was gone and I learned a healthy respect for firearms.
Today I own guns and I have explained to my children they are not toys. This weekend I will be taking my daughter (10) to a clinic that has successfully turned out several Olympic marksmen (and women). I am doing this because she has lately been expressing interest... "Daddy, next time you go shooting, do you think I can come along? I don't want to shoot, but I'd really like to watch you do it." She is responsible, earns great grades, and I think she's ready to try for herself. If she finds she doesn't like shooting, there's no pressure from me- that will be that. But, she'll know how and have gained that respect for firearms just as I did.
carey goldberg
3:55 pm on Thursday, May 26, 2011
Great topic, Anna, and great piece! I think part of what's at work here, for moms like Anna and Jennifer and me, is the trial and error nature of parenting. So often, we start out with ideas and then have to adjust them because of the reality of our children. Yes, I'd have loved to raise my son gun-free, but right around when he turned 3, his obsession with cars turned into an obsession with weapons, and it's hung on ever since -- though in various forms, from medieval lances to AK-47s. I've agonized about it, but then decided to take a page from the teachers who say, "Meet the child where he is." We have nerf guns and water guns and books about guns and watch GI Joe movies. My son isn't violent except when he's horsing around with his dad, and these days, the whole thing just isn't a big deal -- I'm happy to report!
Julie
11:20 am on Friday, May 27, 2011
I wanted to raise my son without guns, but soon saw that everything long became the hated gun. His preschool teacher told me that all the boys in her class behaved the same way--playing war and bad guys and good guys, all who had guns. I thought about it for a while and decided that this innate reaction must be biological. Men are biologically protectors, not just socialized to expect to be a protector. One of the consequences must be a drive to learn how to protect and defend. My son (now 44) has no interest in guns and his two teen-aged boys (who have had nerf guns and water guns and family games using both) have no interest in guns. Relax about this issue since you're not going to be able to stop the presence of guns--both innocuous and dangerous--in your son's life. Educate about the dangers and let your boy be a boy and work it out for himself.